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I wanted nothing more than to pull you close, kiss you softly, and hold you as we walked through the mall or somewhere else. Knowing how society works, that couldn't happen. I would have been seen as something horrible, nevermind the fact that there was a true deep love in my heartI'm learning more every day, seeing things now, that I missed then. The little things, the smiles at just me, even when you were crying. The way your eyes seemed to light up. The times that you'd want to spend time just the two of us. The random hugs, the occasional "I love you" when we were home alone. I realize now, you never said it in front of anyone else, it was always something between you and I. I missed so many of the little signs you had given me that I wouldn't be rejected. But, sadly, it's too late to change any of that. If I had it to do all over again, I would do so many things differently. I made my bed, now I must lie in it, forever. I have to atone for the pain I caused. It's my burden, and. Also, I tried to change thestory about midway through to avoid copying her directly. The firsthalf is a tribute to A Force Of Habit, but the rest needed to be my own.This has been my longest running write so far. It's been rewrittenseveral times, put on the shelf a lot, and ignored for most. There wasa lot of excitement back when I released the first part, so I want to goahead and finish it.Please leave a comment if you liked it. Be kind if you didn't like it(you can judge my other stuff more harshly - this one needs some love).I'm just an amateur writer who tries to add a little bit every now andthen between my other, more important, responsibilities - work andfamily. There will be typos. There will be plot points that you maynot agree with. I learned with the last story that you can't pleaseeveryone, so this story is for me.Chapter 1My girlfriend, Lily, told me to chew this gum before coming over to herhouse tonight. I know it will do something to me. I just don't.
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